Jason Monastra

My life and thoughts out on the web

A bald man with a wooden leg is invited to a Halloween party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later, he receives a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
 
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
 
Acme Costume Co.
 
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg. So he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
 

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours,

Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So, again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
  
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his
weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed
or Bottle-fed?
  
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.
  
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both
breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
  
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No
wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
  
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I
came.’

This is one of the better beer commercials I have seen……

 bestdamnbeercommercialeverh111c_1.wmv

Walk Of Shame - The funniest movie is here. Find it

WOW! Incredible ART!!! - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

I am not much of a baseball guy but I find it amazing that this guy will boycott the pinnacle place of his sport.  The Hall of Fame for any player, though probably not the initial goal of all professionals, is a legacy that everyone is looking to achieve when they see their game rising to the level where these players are.  Baseball has been nagged by tainted allegations of steroids for the better part of this decade, naming some of the most highlighted people in the sport.  I really want to know who really cares?

Anyone that has played any sport at any level beyond HS knows that steroids are a serious part of the athletic world.  Speaking otherwise is that of ignorance or quite possibly delusion.  The amount of people that actively partake during the season or off-season, or both in the use of performance enhancement drugs is the majority….not the minority.  Let us take Bonds comment of not knowingly using performance enhancing drugs.  This is the equivalent to Michael Vick saying he was not aware that dogs were being fought on his property in VA.  Let me tell you if Barry Bonds had a federal indictment against him and the threat was years in jail…..he would have been the Arnold Schwarzenegger of the baseball world.

I guess what really gets me as a former athlete is that why people see this as such a surprise or shock.  People cheat, the rules are broken and most of the coaches, refs, and management know it is going on.  If  they wanted to stop it, they could.  Drug testing every week, no doctor assistance, all personally watched when supplying specimens, physicals and blood tests for additional screening and security.  The reason these levels of screening are not done consistently and without pre-warning to the athletes is that people want to see them play.  Watching a 255 lb linebacker who runs a 4.3 hitting a quarterback is good fun.  We love it, they love, coaches love it - and we all pay for it one way or the other.

To summarize, I am sure there are plenty of people in various Hall of Fames that have used performance enhancing drugs at sometime in their career, therefore contributing to their legacy of greatness and propelling them to the pinnacle of their sport.  So let Barry have his day, no asterisks - just an induction for a guy that can play some great baseball.

Well it was over after the onside kick.  From there GT was out manned, out fought, and simply out played.  VT rolled with superior passing and a running attack that amassed nearly 500 total yards on the GT defense.  To add to their dismay, it was captained by the replacement QB Sean Glennon, the former starter who was benched for Tyrod Taylor - the true freshman who has been starting since the VT dismantling by LSU.

Sean, I must say, looked good.  With poise in the pocket, his passing percentage, down field passing and collectiveness  under pressure ( 6 sacks) he was able to strongarm the defense with a combination of short and long passes patched with small running plays to keep the defense on their toes all night long.  Confidence is a huge factor with this game and Sean had it tonight.  Coming off the crushing loss to BC at home, the team did not lose a beat bringing heavy pressure on GT’s offense causing 6 turnovers.

Our boys in Blacksburg move to 7-2 overall and 4-2 in the ACC controlling their own destiny to a potential rematch with BC in the ACC title game.