New School Prayer

Filed Under (Faith, Personal) by Jason Monastra on 10-09-2009

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Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all

In silence alone we must meditate,

God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks..

They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.

It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,

We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,

No word of God must reach this crowd..

It’s scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

Obama Healthcare

Filed Under (Humor, Personal, Politics) by Jason Monastra on 02-09-2009

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What could possibly go wrong:

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello?”

“Mrs. Sanders, please.”

“Speaking.”

“Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.”

“What do you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”

“That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Sanders.

“Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

“The folks at Obama health care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”