Jason Monastra

My life and thoughts out on the web

Now this is funny.  Take a look at this article on the anti addiction drug that has been all over the media recently.  Anti Addiction drugs seem to be developing into a new national trend in the hope of propping up another industry that has been experiencing difficulty - BIG Pharma.  Can someone send a bulk case to AIG and some of the other financial people on the street…..I think they might need this.

Girl in a Bar

This has to be one of the funnier videos I have seen and well worth the few seconds of viewing.  I did not see it coming from the beginning but caught on…..I wonder what the guy thought when his door was being knocked on.

Anyone ever learned how to do this.  Took some time for me to learn, but finally mastered it with a friend of mine.  Take a look

As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment.  For example, my internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.
She’s beautiful; big boobs, great figure and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked her why and she said, ‘Because I’m trying to examine you.’

When girls don’t put out!!
This was written by a guy … it’s pretty damn smart.

Girls — Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.   Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’

She res ponded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, ‘Lets get a pair for each outfit.’

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop wh en I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’

I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that woman knows I’m smarter than her.

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.                                                                                    
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.              
          
                                                
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and she says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’                                                     
 
 The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.                
                                                  
 
 She says to the mortician, ‘What ever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’ m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
 
 
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.   
 
 
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.                                                       

‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
 
 
 ’So I just switched the heads.’  
   
 
  (BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMIN’)